What Good is Water When You're Dry? (1910)

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Lyrics

J. Harold Fitzgerald, with Mabel von Binks,
Sat at a restaurant table.
The dinner was served but no drinks were observed,
So up spoke little Mabel.
“I’m thirsty,” said she, “order something for me.”
“Here, waiter, ice water for two,” ordered he;
Which made Mabel sigh and in anger reply—
“Water! Water! Why?

What good is water when you’re dry, dry, dry?
When the temperature of your thirst is high, high, high!
A barrel, a stein, or a small glass will do,
Of Anheuser, Budweiser, any old brew.
But what good is water when you’re dry, dry, dry?”

J. Harold replies, with surprise in his eyes,
“Mabel, your conduct is shocking;
Drink water, grow healthy and wealthy and wise.”
Said Mabel, “Stop your knocking.
Now, water’s all right in a washtub or bath,
But water for drinking; now, don’t make me laugh.”
Then sang once again, as the waiters joined in,
“Water! Water! Why?

What good is water when you’re dry, dry, dry?
When the temperature of your thirst is high, high, high!
A barrel, a stein, or a small glass will do,
Of Anheuser, Budweiser, any old brew.
But what good is water when you’re dry, dry, dry?”